Referee Ethics

I recently heard that Joe Gibbs' excuse for the consecutive time-outs in the game against Buffalo: he asked the ref first. This brings to mind a few questions:

1. What does that ref have to say for himself?

2. Did the ref purposefully mislead Joe Gibbs?

3. Should / Are the ref's allowed to tell the coaches the rules? Are they not allowed to tell them the rules? Should the coaches be expected to know the rules as well as the ref's do? Is it an unfair advantage to ask the ref a question and him tell one coach but not another?

I guess ref's should just keep their mouths shut until they are calling a penalty or telling a coach they can't challenge that play. Any thoughts?